An Antisocial Media Experience

Picture this, it’s Saturday morning. You wake up later than expected. You feel irritated. You feel frustrated and you can’t explain why. You’re not usually an angry person, but for some reason you feel like you could punch a hole through something. The kettle is taking longer than usual to boil when you realize it. It’s not the kettle’s fault. Hang on. Something is off. You’re not like this. Something must be wrong. What’s caused this horrible sensation?

You make your cup of tea, sit down with yourself and begin ticking off all the things that could be wrong; all the things that could be making you feel so irate. As you check the boxes, you feel more annoyed because nothing is popping out. Everything is FINE! So, omg why!? Aaaarrrgghhh.

You stop and take a sip of tea to calm yourself down. Eyes still tight, you attempt to rub the dryness away and then it smacks you like a burst of caffeine straight to the adenosine receptors. You remember the haze of screen light against your face last night. The endless scrolling through memes and pieces of information that seemed important at the time.
“Ahhh what a beautiful life this person has,” you remember thinking to yourself. “Ooooh maybe if I try that technique,” another giggle inside.

“Wait! What was that technique again? What was that thing I discovered? There was this one meme that had me in stitches, what was it?”
All that stuff you consumed and you can’t remember a single video. Only the feelings. Only the sensations. How much useless information did you leech and lose until 2am? How did you fall asleep again?

This was me! This was how I felt. I was so frustrated that I had to run a google search, ‘healthy ways of expressing anger’. Eureka! I found one. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh,” I screamed deep into my pillow. The soft cushioning embrace over my face as I took a deep breath to scream a second time, then a third.
“Whoa that was effective,” I thought to myself.

“There is nothing social about social media,” I said to my friend via voice note while processing and unpacking my feelings.
“It's probably because I’m an addict,” I quipped.
“I need to stop. The only cure is prevention. I have to stop and take a break. Go cold turkey.”
The 6-minute voice note detailed my intention to quit Instagram the same way I spoke about quitting cigarettes.

Of course, I spent the next week planning my huge announcement. With nine posts to make a complete grid containing my catalogue and a message for those willing to read. What the hell? It was still consuming my thoughts. That week of guilt about stepping back from the platform was rather depressive. How can an app affect me so deeply?

 “What do I feel guilty for? Who am I going to be letting down?” I asked my friends at a Tiger’s Milk luncheon. Thankfully, I have great friends who affirmed my heated thoughts and beliefs on social media.
“John, you’ve been saying this for months. Why even make an announcement?” They were right. Who cares that way?

So here I am. Just over a week after my pillow screaming moment. Feeling calm, collected and somewhat cool. With hope in my heart and no one to compare myself to, other than myself. It feels great even though a sneaky part of my subconscious is still curious about what’s going on in the world of not-social media.

And, writing this experience down for what purpose exactly? Well Sludge needs a good article. Hahaha!
Really though...

The point of all this is to process and remind myself that these online marketing mediums are powerful tools, and with said power comes the responsibility to remember that the millions of lives portrayed therein are false. The point of this personal account is to remind someone else, who’s had a similar experience, that none of it is real. To let you know that you’re not alone in this.

I think it’s time to reassess the nature of the technology at our fingertips. Technological advancement is meant to make our lives easier and more comfortable. If you’re feeling uneasy because of it, it’s not performing its function. There is a disconnect happening with all this ‘connection’. A disconnect with our minds, hearts and with each other. A disconnect when we call something ‘social’ media, and yet it makes us feel so isolated.

I hope you find your way in the mess. If you need someone to speak to regarding your experiences on antisocial media, please send me an email. I would be happy to chat with you.

jump.jeronimoh@gmail.com